First, a deep breath: You’re already doing something important by seeking support for your child. Whether or not you’re considering online therapy to help your child address behaviors or issues that might be getting in the way of attending school, there is a lot you can do at home — and this guide will show you how.
How Often Can a Child Be Absent?
A student is considered chronically absent when they miss 10% or more of the school year — that's about two days per month. It adds up faster than most parents expect.
About 1 in 6 students in the U.S. is chronically absent each year. If your child has been missing school, they aren’t alone, and there is real hope for turning things around.
Why are students missing school? Common reasons include:
- Physical illness (stomachaches, headaches, colds)
- Anxiety or worry about school — tests, friendships, or a tough class
- Feeling sad or overwhelmed, making it hard to get out of bed
- Family stress
- Safety concerns on the way to school or at school
Sometimes kids don't even know why they don't want to go. Here's what you can do about it.
Ways You Can Help
1. Keep Track of Attendance
Record each absence: the date and reason. Patterns can be clues. For instance:
- Does your child miss Mondays most often?
- Do absences happen around tests or school events?
- Are mornings harder on certain days?
You can also check your school's parent portal (apps like ParentSquare, Infinite Campus, or PowerSchool). Not sure how? Ask the front office. They'll help you get set up.
2. Establish a Morning Routine
Predictable mornings make it much harder to avoid school. Try:
- Setting a consistent wake-up time, even on weekends
- Laying out clothes and packing bags and lunches the night before
- Keeping breakfast simple
If your child resists, stay calm and matter-of-fact: "I know mornings are hard. Let's just take it one step at a time." Sometimes kids need reminders from trusted adults that school is part of their routine and showing up each day helps them succeed.
"Routines are the scaffolding of a child's day. When kids know what to expect, they feel safer — and safer kids are more ready to learn."
— Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child
3. Be Smart About Scheduling Appointments
- Schedule doctor visits, errands, and therapy outside school hours when possible.
- When appointments must happen during the day, bring your child to school for part of the day — even two hours count.
- Try to keep therapy at the same time each week so it becomes routine, not a reason to miss more school.
4. Stay in Touch with the School
Schools want to help. You don't have to share every detail. A simple heads-up is enough: "My child has been having a hard time getting to school. We're working on it and wanted to loop you in."
Most schools have a counselor, social worker, or attendance team specifically for situations like yours. Ask the front office who to contact.
"Schools and families working together is the most powerful combination we have for helping kids succeed."
— Karen Mapp, Harvard Graduate School of Education
5. Think Carefully About When to Keep Your Child Home
Clear reasons to stay home:
- Fever, vomiting, or a contagious illness
- A scheduled health or therapy appointment (let the school know so it's excused)
Signs it may be anxiety, not illness:
- Stomachaches or headaches that appear every school morning but disappear by noon
- No fever or other physical symptoms
A helpful rule: if there's no fever or no vomiting, try sending them to school. You can say: "Your body is feeling nervous. That's okay. Let's go and see how it feels after a little while."
6. Help Your Child Feel Like They Belong
Kids who feel connected to school are more likely to show up — even on hard days.
- Encourage after-school clubs, sports, or activities they enjoy — even one can make a big difference
- Ask: "Is there anything at school you actually like, even a little?" Then help them do more of that
- A teacher who notices them, one good friend, a lunch tradition — small connections build belonging
Research shows students who feel they belong have better attendance, better grades, and better mental health.
You Are Already Helping
The fact that you're reading this means you care, and that matters more than you know. The steps above are real and they work. You don't have to wait for a therapy appointment to start.
Keep showing up for your child. Keep sending them to school. By the time your first appointment arrives, you'll already have a head start. You've got this.
Sources: Attendance Works (attendanceworks.org) | National Center for Education Statistics | Harvard Graduate School of Education
